So Five Minutes Ago

Just one more big sale and that Quattro is mine!

These old books about business are great.  All offices should have to have an enlarged version of this cover on the wall; a sage reminder that we cannot escape our times, and that all of our technology, our clothes, our haircuts and our jokes will soon look about as cool and desirable as hepatitis.

I mean just look at that hair.  And dude – a pink phone?  Was this an interim measure before society accepted homosexuality?”  Well I still think what they do is disgusting, but I do have a pink phone.”

This cover caught my eye because of the expression of the guy standing up.  Clearly smug-arse Mergers and Acquisitions man Jenkins has just called his boss to boast about how massive his quarterly output is.  Look at him unfolding that old computer paper like a giant phallus on the desk.  Trouble is, there’s a problem.  Secretly gay boss in the grey suit is lifting up his glasses in abject horror – having spotted that Jenkins has gone and forgotten to build in the costs associated with opening the Reading office.  The twat.   Jenkins isn’t going to be getting that remote controlled garage now is he?

The title’s a bit interesting too – sort of patronising and presumptuous at the same time,  as though there were thousands of law firms out there but none of them had yet struck upon the idea of maximising their profits.  Perhaps they had discussions at the Bar Association about it –  “Who’s this wildcat – isn’t the satisfaction of winning a case enough for him?”;  “I know, hell – I didn’t become a lawyer to make money!”

I wonder if there are other titles in the same series – “Maximising the Desirability of your Wife”?; “Maximising the Intactness of your Limbs”; “Maximising the Impact of Gravity on Your Possessions”?

I did look for the bit inside that said: “On these two commandments hang all the law and the profits…” but there wasn’t one.  Shame.

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